The Laws of the Closet

David Laws got himself into rather a pickle with his expenses because he wanted to keep the fact that he was gay a secret. In a statement, Laws said: “When I grew up, being gay was not accepted by most people including by many of my friends. So I have kept this secret from everyone I know for every day of my life”.

I can sympathise with David, but he is only 44 years of age and it is now 2010. Iain Dale in the Daily Mail of all places, followed it up with an article which stated that unlike the Americans, we “don’t like baring our souls, and most of all we don’t like hurting our families” to summarise why British men might like to stay in the closet.

Consider the following things that occur on a daily basis – can this be classed as “baring your soul”?

1) Telling people your partner’s name.

2) Discussing what you did on the weekend.

3) Disclosing a fondness for Glee.

It’s not about baring your soul, it’s about not having to lie. And the closet involves a whole lot of lies, on a daily basis. But these lies are often unnecessary and don’t stand up to limited scrutiny. For one, there’s the increasingly switched on gaydar of both straight and gay people to worry about.

My straight friend Martin sussed David Laws the moment he appeared on TV and described himself as “single”. A quick read of his bio which lists no previous marriages was bound to send gaydars beeping for a man of 44, and a lot of gay men are actually very poor judges of how naturally camp they really are.

So not only is the closet fraught with deceit, it’s also an increasingly difficult and unnecessary place to stay. According to a recent survey, nearly two-thirds of straight people have no issue with LGBT people. In his article Iain Dale states that when he finally came out, many friends were dismayed he hadn’t told them sooner.

But let’s not pretend the sun always shines once the closet door is flung open. Consider:

1) Over a third of people in the UK believe homosexuality is “always” or “mostly” wrong. That’s an awful lot of hate.

2) Try coming out at school. I certainly didn’t. We need to support gay youth and tackle homophobic language and bullying in our young.

3) Homophobic  hate crime is on the increase.

4) Try showing affection or kissing your same-sex partner on Tottenham High Road, instead of Tottenham Court Road.

5) Your civil partnership isn’t recognised outside of the UK.

6) There are still no “out” premier league footballers and precious few out people in any sport. (Cap doff to Gareth Jones, the Welsh rugby player)

It might have been down to my having to face up to overt racism in the 70s and 80s, but my attitude has always been, if people don’t like it, they can get out of my life. Luckily, my immediate family has been 100% supportive. Coupled with the many gay equality laws introduced by the Labour Government since 1997, the law is on our side.

So it’s not about coming out of the closet with pink guns blazing, it’s just about being honest.

Gay equality laws – what has the Pope got to do with it?

The government recently tabled an amendment to the Equality Bill which would have clarified that churches can not discriminate against gay men and lesbians in recruitment for roles that did not include leading worship.

Naturally, the Pope – who is obsessed with gays – criticised the legislation for violating “natural law” and would “impose unjust limitations on the freedom of religious communities to act in accordance with their beliefs.”

When coming out becomes a big bore

“I’m gay: BBC newsreader Jane Hill comes out” oozed the Mail.”BBC newsreader Jane Hill outs herself as gay” screamed the Mirror. “BBC NEWSREADER JANE HILL HAS REVEALED SHE’S A LESBIAN” slimed the Daily Star. Sounds like Jane had a massive coming out party. From those headlines, one would suspect that Jane had  jumped onto the desk during one of her news bulletins waving her arms about and singing along to Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out.

Except she didn’t. All Jane did was mention in passing in the BBC in-house magazine that she lived with her partner Sara and her dog Mavis. Now if Jane Hill was Jim Hill that quote would have passed without comment, but because Jane is a woman who lives with another woman, it’s enough for tabloids to get themselves worked up into a lather.

Ten great things about the Noughties

1) Matches

It seemed like everyone was getting hitched in the noughties, usually leading to lovely weekends in the Cotswolds or in one case, Barbados. I do!

2) Hatches

Babies popped out everywhere and the cute little cherubs were given old-fashioned names like Arthur and Lilly. Awww.

3) Launch of the MINI

Rover (RIP) and BMW reinvented the classic Mini, and with its retro styling,  customisation options and go-kart handling, brought the fun back to motoring. I’m on my fourth.

4) The iPod and iPhone

At the start of the noughties we were only just getting over hissy cassettes and were starting to burn CDs. Then Apple came along with the iPod, and your entire record collection could be taken with you at all times. iTunes store was another godsend to people who couldn’t be bothered to go to the shops. iPhone finally made mobile internet a pleasure after years of cack-handed attempts.

5) The PVR

With the rise of DVD, suddenly no-one could be arsed to set their videos anymore. But then came services such as TiVo, Sky+ and V+ and recording your TV shows for later viewing was back in fashion again. iPlayer and Catch-up TV on Virgin Media made staying in the new going out.

6) President Barack Obama

After 8 years of Dubya (enough said), the USA finally elected a president with an actual brain, and one who amazingly, is African-American, 45 years after Martin Luther King’s famous speech.

7) Broadband

Do you remember connecting to the net via your phone line and surfing through text-only sites written in a terrible Comic Sans font, then going for a cup of tea if a picture was included on the site? Now we’re up to 50MB Broadband. Zoom zoom!

8 ) Social Media

In the 90s the internet was a solitary experience and you conversed with your friends over work email accounts. Now you can catch up with old friends without bothering to leave the house, and when you do meet up you have nothing to talk about because “I saw all your news on Facebook”.

9) A Fairer Society

Yes, Blair’s legacy starts with I, ends in Q and has R and A in the middle, and it’s all gone to pot now. But let us not forget the fact that the Labour government has made great strides to make the United Kingdom a fairer and more equal society, especially with regards to new laws to help prevent sex, age, disability and sexual orientation discrimination.

10) Civil Partnership Act

Finally, gays got the chance to get their friends to spend a fortune on wedding list presents for them. Oh and enter into a life-long commitment of course. Which I did. Hooray!

It’s Posh in Beckford’s Tower

My husband and I recently celebrated our good friend Virginie’s 40th birthday by spending a jolly weekend in Bath. Virginie and family shunned soulless chain hotels and instead elected to stay in Beckford’s Tower, a folly built by William Beckford (1760 – 1844) who was reputed to be the richest commoner in England.

Beckford’s family made a fortune from sugar plantations in Jamaica, so their money came from slave labour. So it was interesting to see close up what all the inhumanity in the Caribbean had funded back home in Britain. In fact I wondered if model Tyson Beckford, who is of Jamaican heritage, could have been descended from the slaves who worked those plantations, as slaves took on their master’s name.

Beckford himself never visited Jamaica, and instead spent his time writing, travelling through Europe and collecting great works of art.  He also embarked on building the ill-fated folly Fonthill Abbey, which fell down three times. So British cowboy builders are certainly nothing new.

Later in life, Beckford’s fortune dwindled and he found himself shunned by society due to a selection of indiscreet affairs with young men. So he retired to Bath, where he bought two houses and built a Tower nearby at Lansdown, which he rode to each day to enjoy his library and collection of treasures.

Now lovingly restored by the Landmark Trust as a holiday home, we stayed two nights in the sumptuous ground floor flat. We climbed the tower to enjoy what Beckford called “the finest prospect in Europe”. We shopped in historic Bath, which has pockets of individuality in the usual sea of chain stores.

At night, we feasted on hearty local produce in much the same way as Beckford might have done in his Abbey. Being WiFi less and TV less, we indulged in the art of conversation and, making use of the reading materials, immersed ourselves in Beckford’s controversial and fascinating life. If ever you are planning a weekend in Bath, Beckford’s tower is a quirky and luxurious break from the norm.

Big Ben can ring my bell anytime *sigh*

When Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas came out last week, he stated that he was worried about the reaction from his teammates. He needn’t have worried. Rugby is far more gay friendly than football. So while the Pink News reports that premier league footballers dare not support an anti-homophobia campaign for fear of what it would do to their (carefully coiffered, plucked and waxed) images, their rugby counterparts seem hell-bent on getting some exposure in various calendars available on a link on a gay website near you.

The prime example is Ben Cohen, who appeared in the Rugby World Cup winning 2003 line up. Despite being a happily heterosexual rugby player, Ben has long recognised that he is a hit with the lads more than the ladies – I’d guess that say 90% of the fans on his Facebook group page are men, and they aren’t there for the rugby tips. They’re there for the pictures that Ben posts up of his beefcake self.

So it is with great excitement that I received Ben’s 2010 Calendar, which will be well hung in my office. Alongside the “Ben in his kit, Ben in his suit” shots, Ben has thrown in an extra, tasteful – and I quote from his website – “centrefold of shower shots”. Now if that isn’t ruthlessly exploiting appealing to the instincts of your gay fanbase, I don’t know what is. Football’s preening prima donnas should take note at what a real man is: One that isn’t afraid to get his kit off for the lads.

The Moir hate the Daily Mail prints, the more irrelevant it becomes

Stephen Gately’s windower has complained to the Press Complaints Commission about the infamous Jan Moir article the day before his funeral. Now that the dust has settled, was the Moir firestorm really out of proportion? It was certainly surprising, but only because the Daily Mail has a long tradition of printing homophobic articles which haven’t caused nearly the same level of fuss.

The difference here was that Gately was a star, and they seem to have underestimated the growing tide of resentment from bloggers, commentators  and the general public to the Daily Mail‘s hysterical and often factually incorrect outpourings. Jan Moir poured scorn on the fact that Stephen’s Death was from natural causes even in the face of coroner’s report which clearly stated that it was. In other words, she wrote lies, which makes her extremely vulnerable as far as this complaint is concerned.

More disgusting than the factual inaccuracies were the parallels Moir drew with the death of Matt Lucas’ ex-husband, a completely unrelated incident. “It strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships”, she spewed. No one ever said all civil partnerships would be happy ever after. A year after the first ceremony, law firms began offering their dissolution services in the gay press. But so far, less than 1% of civil partnerships have ended in dissolution. Not bad I’d say, though it is still early days. Has the Daily Mail made headline news of this fact? Of course not.

Moir is just the tip of the iceberg. In particular, the paper seems to love defending religious bigots’ “rights” to discriminate against gay people. The prime example is its sympathetic articles towards Islington registrar, Lillian Ladelle, who has taken her employer to court for the right to refuse to conduct civil partnerships on the grounds of her religious beliefs. Which is odd, as the civil marriages she conducted have nothing to do with religion. God cannot even be mentioned in the ceremony.

Just this weekend, Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas made the decision to come out. However, as usual, the Mail on Sunday chose to focus on the negative aspects of his coming out in their headline. Instead of summarising his decision as brave and historic, the headline reads “‘It’s ended my marriage and nearly driven me to suicide. Now it’s time to tell the world the truth – I’m gay”. Carefully phrased so you could read that what caused his troubles was gayness itself, not his fears of the reaction to it.

But I believe that the Daily Mail‘s agenda is becoming out of step with society today. Most of the people who complained about the Stephen Gately article were not gay. It’s becoming increasingly hard for so-called middle Englanders to believe the Mail‘s subtext that gay and lesbian people lead lonely and dangerous lives. Or  buy in to rhetoric about a big old gay conspiracy to undermine family values when straight people are the parents, brothers,sisters, cousins, friends, colleagues, constituency members, sports fans – I could go on – of out gay and lesbian people.

The fact that resolutely middle England brands such as Marks and Spencer asked for their advertising not to be displayed alongside the Moir article underlines the fact that other conservative institutions are ahead of the Daily Mail when it comes to gay people, and if it continues on its current editorial tone will start to look increasingly out of step, old-fashioned and needlessly vitriolic, even to its traditional readership. In the meantime, I wish Stephen’s widower Andrew Cowles all the best of luck with his complaint to the Press Complaints Commission, as the chairman of the PCC is Paul Dacre, the editor of the Daily Mail, who made the final decision to print Moir’s poisonous filth in the first place.

BBC thinks murdering gays is a topic for debate

The Ugandan governrment debates despicable proposals to impose the death penalty for gays. In the interests of “balance”, the BBC website turns the issue into a poll entitled “Should homosexuals face execution?” with particularly depressing results. Of the 600 comments on the poll, only 200 were deemed suitable for publication.

The BBC later changed the title of the poll to “Should Uganda debate gay execution?” and then finally closed the poll down after a Twitter firestorm and complaints from gay and lesbian staff at the BBC. The BBC responded by saying the debate reflected differing views on gay issues in Africa.

Not in a million years would the BBC have published a poll asking the question whether a racial or religious group should face execution, but gays it seems are fair game. Added to their tolerance of Chris Moyles using “gay” as an insult, and defence of the low level homophobia of Jeremy Clarkson, and it would seem that the BBC are not taking homophobia seriously at all. Frankly, it’s disgusting.

Not very civil

A registrar at Islington town hall (which is where I’m getting hitched this year) is taking Islington council to an industrial tribunal as she does not want to perform civil partnerships as it offends her religious beliefs.

As a registrar, she should know that a civil partnership is a civil ceremony, so religion does not come into it in any shape or form, least of all her religion.

If, as expected, she loses her case, I would rather she didn’t officiate at my ceremony through gritted teeth. She needs to go. Equal opportunities at work is not an optional extra.

Battling with Bridezilla

With over 9 months to go until we get hitched, you’d think I’d be able to put my feet up for oh, about 8 months before actually organising anything.

However, the problem is that you are competing for venues with the capital’s army of Bridezillas (male and female) who book everything up three years in advance.

So with a little cajoling from the Chef, we’ve been getting organised. Sure enough, our first choice registry office was booked up, leaving us with our second choice, Islington Town Hall. This means we may have to transport our guests to our restaurant of choice. It’s all far too complicated!

Thank god that the flowers are being done by my mum and the photos are being done by Tom, my cousin-in-law. Tom’s been busy with more that photography recently, as he’s played a part in increasing our guest list by one.

Then cousin Monica (Tom’s sister-in-law, do keep up!) announced another addition to the list. Congratulations to them, if any other male-female couples are planning unprotected sex please could you give us advance warning?!

We’re off to give notice to our local registrar on Friday so we can confirm the booking with Islington council. So things are starting to get official. We thought about a pre-nup, but as we’ll both be broke when this is all over, there hardly seems much point.