Marcus Maximus

This blog is about stuff I love – R&B and Pop, My MINI, the internet, the media, men, and the occasional book or film. It’s also about what I hate – especially racism and homophobia in all its forms, blatant, latent, or otherwise.

This blog started back in 2006 on blogger and went on hiatus in mid-2008 as Facebook and Twitter became my obsessions, but I’ve now I’ve realised I have more to say than what can be entered into a Facebook update or 140 characters. So enjoy my musings, leave a comment maybe!

For the record, here are the labels – thirtysomething, black/mixed race, gay Londoner in civil partnership, work in Communications and Media.

You also can follow me on Twitter

What’s getting on my nerves this week

1. Christmas. With the commercial push reaching new levels of insanity, if I see Kerry Katona on my TV flogging Iceland party food one more time I’m going to nut something.

2. Work conference calls. Arranging a conference call seems to be the modern alternative to actually achieving anything.

3. Ian Blair. The Met shot an innocent man in cold blood and then lied to the public about his conduct and tried to smear his character in court. Resign!

4. The ****ing Spice Girls. My gym is playing the Greatest Hits over and over again. They were a marketing phenomenon but the songs were frankly ropey. Go away, now please!

5. People who can’t drive round multi-lane roundabouts. The cause of my lack of no-claims bonus, the only solution is to take off from the lights and floor it. Thank God for MINI handling!

Happy Easter

Why do pictures of massive bunnies amuse me so much? D

Snow: Bored now

It was amusing waking up in a winter wonderland for about 10 minutes this morning, and gave me a good excuse to work from home, but can you melt now please? I’m bored now.

Happy New Year

Blimey! In a few hours the holidays will be all but over and it’s time to get back to the grim business of working for a living. So time to look back at the best and worst of 2006:

Single Of The Year: Pussycat Dolls, Buttons

They look like a troupe of trannys and only one can sing, but canny management has given the Dolls some blistering pop singles. Buttons was their defining moment.

Album Of The Year: Justin Timberlake, Futuresex/Lovesounds

Stole wholesale from early Prince and was largely more of a Timbaland effort than a Justin one, but behind those magnificent tribal beats there was the shock of some decent songs.

Man of The Year: Daniel Craig

Those lingering shots of his glistening pecs finally gave Bond true gay appeal. The Poster boy for BOBFOCs everywhere*

*Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch

Woman Of the Year: Leona Lewis

On the X-Factor she reminded us of a young Whitney and Mariah, and that’s the first time we’ve been able to say that about any British singer. Now, will she get some decent songs?

Shop Of The Year: Ted Baker

Consistent, high quality, eye-catching designs that are very nearly worth their price tags.

Book of the Year: Geoffrey Euginides, Middlesex

A stunning historical epic about intersexuality.

TV Show of the Year: America’s Next Top Model

The ultimate reality TV bitchfest.

Car of The Year: MINI Cooper

Smoother, slicker and much more professional, but still great fun. Original Mini DNA now missing but who cares? That was 47 years ago!

And what I hated in 2006….

Reiss. Rip off clothes that fall to bits after a few washes. Only buy in the sale!

Mary J Blige’s so called Greatest Hits album that actually contained very few hits and lots of rubbish new songs.

The Porsche Cayenne 4×4- a completely overblown, unnecessary device for getting around London

All of ITV’s output except X-Factor and Corrie

Normal Sloth Service Will Be Resumed Shortly!

Blimey! It’s hard being a sloth these days, with little things like work getting in the way. Don’t worry, though, while my colleagues will be at work at midnight on Saturday for our major systems release, I will be slothing it in Nice. Result!

So what have we learned this past week or so?

Ken Livingstone doesn’t like rich people. So the London Congestion Charge will be £25 for such flash, bling vehicles as… 2 litre Ford Mondeos. Idiot!

The phrase “in terms of” is what “Basically” was to the 90s and Australian Question Intonation was? to? the? 80s? Listen out for it in papers, on the TV, and especially at work. On one conference call I counted at least 20 uses of “in terms of”. A completely redundant, unnecessary phrase which is really getting on my wick. Stop it, all of you!

Apparently, banning the advertising of junk food during children’s programmes is going to stop everyone eating it. This neatly forgets the fact that our high streets are littered with junk food restaurants and meeting in “Maccy Ds” is as much part of yoof culture as wearing hoodies and joy riding. (The sloth had a KFC this week, and while McDonalds and Burger King are frankly disgusting, KFC has still got it going on!)

Is there anything more tragic than sitting in a Welcome Break service station, drinking a disgusting coffee while listening to tinny piped Christmas music? The Sloth has been doing this a lot recently on his work travels to exotic places like…Dudley.

Leona is streets ahead of anyone else on X-Factor. Only problem is the teenage girls who vote for X-Factor like to vote for blokes, and if she does win, Simon Cowell will have her singing lame crappy cover versions.

My brand new Chili Red MINI will be here next week! YIPPEEE! Only problem now is paying for it, and I am already eyeing up accessories like a lovely suede and leather steering wheel. Someone stop me!

What I’m Loving This Week…

• The Aston Martin V8 Roadster. My next step on the motoring ladder. Might have to sell a few things though, like the house. I’m sure The Chef won’t mind!
• My new Ipod Nano. I had to delete some of the duffer tracks to fit it all onto 8GB, but I don’t think Beyonce’s Dangerously In Love album is a great loss.
• P. Diddy’s Press Play album, especially the tracks where you don’t actually get much yawn-inducing Diddy rapping, such as the awesome Tell Me with Christina Aguilera
• Kentucky Fried Chicken. No I haven’t stuffed by face with a Zinger Tower Burger, but I’m certainly thinking about it!
• Anthony Crank, currently presenting Extreme Makeover on Living TV. He’s lush, he’s Northern, and he bats for our team!

What I’m Hating This Week…

• More news stories about Richard Bloody Hammond. So he crashed a jet car at 300mph, does it really need a double page spread for three days running in the Mirror? And by the way, Top Gear with its oafish machismo and sniggering low-level homophobia has gone down the toilet.
• The night-time roadworks on the North Circular. The A406 is only useful after 8pm. The roadworks start, at you guessed it, 8pm.
• Heather Mills McCartney. Well I might as well join the rest of the nation on the hating Heather tip.
• The Daily Mail, for frothing at the mouth over the BBC’s staff being “disproportionately homosexual” GAY PEOPLE PAY THEIR TV LICENCE! (And what do we get? Sonia on EastEnders!) Narrow minded bigots.
• All the Madonna hating. What would you rather have, a fabulous lifestyle with an international singing superstar or a mud hut in Milawi? I’m sure she’ll get him a black nanny and a few books about Martin Luther King anyway.
• The Common Cold. Achoo!

Bit of a bitchfest this blog – so here’s what I’m lovin’ this week…

Jo Caulfield who brought the house down at Comedy Camp on Tuesday. “What’s the difference between a poor Essex woman and a rich Essex woman? Nothing, the rich one just has her tattoos spelt correctly”….My new sky blue Ted Baker shirt (I know, pricey but I had vouchers OK?!)….My new Nokia 6111 mobile phone….Collection, Massive Attack’s greatest hits featuring two of the best singles of all time, Unfinished Sympathy and Protection….love the brutish charm of the Chrysler 300C, now appearing on UK roads suitably blinged up by prople who’ve seen it in videos on MTV Base…Wagamama’s Chicken Chili Men…Fox’s Millionaires Caramel shortcake (extra cardio required at the gym tomorrow!)